"Do We 'Find' Ourselves,

or do we 'build' ourselves," - sle. Have some errands to run this morning, so up a little earlier.  Discovered more last night with my thinking.  Looking at things on a grand scale instead of an individual scale.  Oh, I have learned it mentioned in a way before, but am understanding it more.  Still some fine points to figure out, but hopefully, getting there.  Sweet Pea, so beautiful this morning.  She is small enough to sit on the chair with her feet and squat down.  She is just so adorable.  Thinking how things will rip her up in a few months, but I don't see how I can save the place, nor if "I" should.  Figthing with her mom and sure there will be issues with her uncle, not sure if it is worth it.  Not thinking of me so much.  Just don't think I have it in me.  Always thought of myself as a strange bird, but her mom and that trash are stranger than me.  Such big talkers but both big BS'ers.  They work in the shadows and behind people's backs, because they are so scared of listening and dealing with people.  They want to be in control so much.  She standing tall and willing to make the decisions, but cowarding at the same time.  Him, trying to BS and fool people.  All the while, maneuvering to get what he wants and, if he doesn't, then he cries and tries bullying.  All the while, being a weasel.  Well, having my morning breakfast in a milk drink.  Time to get things done.  Errands went Ok.  Had lunch out.  God is a funny man.  Got home.  Dogs, of course.  Sweet Pea got home early.  Going with dad and step-mom for a couple of days, I guess.  Am not on the talking list, haha.  Kids, when do they grow up (I mean the grown kids).  If someone was around my child so much, I would want to get to know them as much as possible.  But the kids today are so wrapped up in their own issues and affairs and really don't care for others as much as they say.  Mostly words.  Watching "Cowboys".  Being a kid, or not being a kid, doesn't have anything to do with age.  Saw a lot of people, today.  And I realized, bodies come in all sizes and grow and shrink.  What about the spirit? ...the soul?  Do they grow and shrink with the body?  Can we really comprehend the spirit and the soul.  How do the spirit and soul relate?  Are they the same?  Boo, will be missing her until Sunday, I believe.  Been drinking hot chocolate during the movie.  Going to start playing with the Flex2 soon.  Going to try to set up a drawing tablet with it.  Just another problem to solve.  Did notice how big people  are getting.  Lost a lot of mine, but have to start back losing.  And trying to stay in shape.  Got a little school work to do after my playing, haha.  People will always wonder why I laugh a lot, even in my writing.  They just don't understand how funny life is and how hard it is to make it through.  I love being alive and I don't mind showing how I enjoy it.  Getting ahead on the drawing tablet thing.  The stuff I get into, haha.  Oh, forgot, I shouldn't enjoy life that much.  I feel sorry for the bastards that can't.  Starting to watch Marlone with Burt Reynolds.  Saw the ending once and liked it.  There is a program I would like to get rid of but?  I didn't have anything to do with it. I inherited it.  Needs to be revised to be more useful and interesting to students.  Just me.  Well, school work.  Think I am finished with school work for the night.  Watching Eraser and missing My Spirit Child.  She is growing up so fast.  She had to walk to the burn pile with me because she wanted to watch the fire.  Burning boxes.  She wanted to try to light it but her thumb and fingers weren't strong enough for the lighter.  One of those big ones.  I told her about not getting too close and staying out the smoke.  I explained to her about smoke getting into her clothes and her smelling.  Think she got it.  Her and her skinny legs.  How can one not fight for a home for her.  But it is getting harder.  Oh, does remind me of doing a little research maybe tonight.  Thinking how I need to find a strong-willed woman with a sense of humor and isn't afraid of the world.  And money, haha.  Has been getting cold lately and I got my coats, but need a nice house coat that is easy to get on and off, or keep using the hoodie coats.  Time to watch the end of the movie.  The best part.  Over.  Now, emails, news,, little research then bed, I hope.  Walmart doesn't have any Ozempic on hand, so 1 or 2 days.  Hope there isn't a shortage.  Watching Sweet Pea taking in what I told her about the smoke from the fire was wonderful.  "Thinking", I believe so much in it.  Many people mistake thinking as using your mind, but it is 'more'.  It is a process, not just a function.  Well, research paid off.  Don't know why I couldn't find all this before???  God does work in mysterious ways.  Well, am not experienced in doing and preparing stuff, but have enough material, I think, to do a good job.  Just need to get the people to agree and sign.  We know people.  Should be simple but we shall see.  People.  Good night and God bless.  Be safe and take care.  Oh, need a title.  Think I came up with a good one.  I found myself the night of my accident, Wednesday, May 23th, 2973.  Been building myself slowly ever since.  With His help.