"Trust when lost is difficult to find,

 especially, in the eyes of another," - sle.  I don't try to do self-judgement, but try to do self-improvement.  Self-evolution, though sometimes de-evolution.  Starting this post early.  Trying to stay ahead of the game.  Last day of September.  Skipping this post for anotherr draft.  Still ahead of the game.  Back to this draft.  My last draft.  Have to come up with another title before the night is out.  Something this evening brought to mind my dad.  He wasn't one for cussing too much, especially in front of us, his family.  That I can remember.  If he did use the 'f' word, I don't remember it.  But, once in a front of some crew workers he did use it a few times.  I was older and was shocked by it.  Really, put off even though I knew that is how men talked.  But not my dad.  Anyway, what brought it to mind.  They walking onto the street and seeming so proud.  If only they knew what people were saying about them.  Well, not so much them.  Men screwing around seems to be understood and even proud of in a way by other people.  It is the women that are looked down upon.  I didn't write the rules.  I only found out a short while back.  I was surprised that anyone thought that way.  Mr. Kenny does, but he is in the household.  Didn't know that people outside the house on the streets knew.  I don't talk that game.  I  don't care what people know, but again, I am a man.  They almost always make excuses for men.  Not the women.  Anyway, brought back the memory of how does anyone say something in front of their motherr no matter how mad they are.  Especially, being proud of it and wanting to show photos of the act, and wanting to show me.  I, definitely, declined.  Mother seemed a little embarrassed.  In mix company.  The fact he seemed so proud of it.  Don't like to think of who he had shown.  Well, got it ous of my system some.  Memories.  Wish I could erase the one of my dad and the 'f' word and the one of the bastard in his truck bragging.  One reason I got to get out in January.  The arrogant little creep.  I might have my mother's temper, but she would have beaten the hell out of the little bastard, Sweet Pea or no Sweet Pea.  My temper ain't quite as bas as my mother's.  Always said I was glad to be born a man.  Women aren't looked upon the same way as men.  Tramp vs. Macho Man.  Hope getting it off my chest some will help getting it out my mind.  The funny thing, her actions justify and promote his actions.  Guess if you don't have feelings, it can't affect you.  Enough.  Thinking Sweet Pea and how she makes me laugh.  She had the most difficult time putting on googles with that virtual reality stuff at the arcade.  She did a little.  I looked into one of the googles a little, but there was no  movement at the time.  Not sure how that would have been if there was, haha.  We did do a couple of rides together.  She insisted.  Watch Dreamer, nice little movie.  I think the zillionth time, lol.  A Princess for Christmas, now.  Anotherr cute movie.  Do like everyone in it, including Roger Moore, Sir Roger Moore.  School tomorrow.  Foot doctor Tuesday.  Diabetes doctor Wednesday after school.  Oh, boy.  And a few other things to deal with.  A lot of typos tonight.  Do edit pretty descent, though the print of this tablet is small.  Better resolution.  Got to bed early last night.  Terrible headache.  Hopefully, before midnight, tonight.  Again, I don't write the rules and I don't go around talking about other people except in general.  I was shocked to know what other people are saying and what they know.  But again, being a man it isn't quite a big deal.  I was the wronged one from what I was told.  Enough said.  Such BS.  I have enough problems than worrying about what people say about me.  Sure there has been a lot over my many years, haha.  Bath and Body Works was fun with Sweet Pea at the mall.  She seemed like an expert.  And the ladies figuring out a buy 3 one free thing.  Haha.  An experience.  She told me about the outside mall at night.  How she loved it.  I prefer the daytime, especially on such a beautiful day.  Sure the nightime scene is beautiful, but prefer the daytime.  Tomorrow.  Inflation getting worse.  Tomorrow.  I do like being the wronged one, haha.  Just joking.  Know I ain't no angel, just me.  Purple M&M's now. Movie finishing up.  Trying 30 gram protein milk shake before bed, 20 minutes before.  Suppose to add muscle.  We shall see. Tomorrow.  Happy birthday, Phillip!  That protein shake at night does seems to help.  Slept well.  Exercises and phone calls.  Time for breakfast.  Sweet Pea.  Love her so  much, but just feel like I got to get away.  In time.  Just don't like dealing with trash.  Just got to work.  Realized on the way to work, God does work in mysterious ways.  In the strangest of ways, He took away my demons of over 40+ years.  He has made me so much stronger.  Ready to spread my wings.  There is a price to pay, but Sweet Pea will do well.  She is strong.  She still thinks of me as her grandpa though she calla me Steven, but can't be her grandpa anymore.  The price is too high.  I can't put up with the trash.  Gotta put the trash out.  Right now, just seems like everything is falling into place just for that.  Let the arrogant bastards choke.  It is peaceful and quiet at work.  Gotta get ready for class.  Won''t be much.  Still have to write my title for the next draft.  Leaning towards something dealing with the topic of 'trash'.  Just don't see why people don't want betterr.  How scum can be liked by people.  Guess it is easier to become trash then to raise above and become more: easier to destroy than to build.  Sad, Sweet Pea has such potential and it will all be wasted on trash.  Most young children have such great potential, but some parents, well, not for me to judge.  Sweet Pea is my only concern and I can't do anything there.  Gotta cut ties.  God has taken my emotions away there.  Preparing me for going ahead in my life.  Some people will always be trash and never improve themselves.  Hoot and Janet.  Can't help you.  Basically, ready for class.  Need to make a phone call and check on some stuff.  Will have to start looking for another place.  Just to be ready.  Let the trash see how well they can do on their own, but will have to kick them out first, so that will be fun.  God does has a sense of humor.  Getting there.  Just hope my guardian angels can keep an eye on Sweet Pea.  She will need them more than I will.  A little ahead on my school work and got the title for my next draft.  Rest room break, snack and news.  Wait for class.  Class went great, I think.  Especially, on my end.  Was going to write on my tablet, but had a great moment coming home stopping to pick up garbage can and check mail.  Garbage can was picked up.  Sweet Pea was screaming.  Something about Chase.  He got out and was running and playing with some other dogs.  I finally got him and put him in the car.  When home, took a little bit to get him out the car and carrying him inside.  Got my health call taken care of this morning.  Won't get another call for a year, next July.  This was a follow up.  Maybe I can take a year off and be bad, haha.  Stopped at Wal-Mart.  Prices, oh, my.  Sweet Pea here with her friends.  Most of the time on the way home mostly I could only think, glad she was sleeping.  Wish I was.  Disgusting and a little funny, in a way.  Dealing with the house.  Don't know if I can keep it until January.  Will see.  Don't know if I want to anyway.  "Walking Tall," with the Rock.  Like him, but some of his views, probably not.  The desktop's resolution isn't as good as the tablet's, but bigger print.  Things will work out.  Still catching my breath.  Came up with my next draft title.  Can't all be winners, haha.  Time for news and another title.  Walling Tall will be easy to come up with a few, haha.  Had another from the drive home.  Titles are coming, haha.  Iced animal crackers are a great supper, haha.  Kids are having fun.  Oh, my, Russia playing a game of hide-and-seek with a nuclear sub with a Dooms-Day weapon.  Things only get better in life.  Janet just gave me a smile...!!!  Gotta have to move that photo, haha.  The U.N. is now against the Feds from raising interest rates.  Would, normally, say something here, but agree with them.  Feds really don't know what they are doing, or do they?  The Lake House, again, and school work, maybe.  Nah, a walk outside.  Oh, how beautiful the land is, but I can't find peace here anymore.  How do you hook up a fan in a shed without an on/off switch?  Maybe camouflaged.  Did get some clippers for the garden, haha.  Burned some trash.  How do you put a plastic tub in a barrel to be burned?  Could get some activists here for clean air, haha.  Six more inches or so, would have met a snake, haha.  I would guess a foot and a half, just heard and saw it moving.  It  went one way.  I stood watching as it left.  Can't be sure of the color, but know it was most likely dark.  No brightness to it.  Moved some stuff under the oak tree.  Need to weed eat it when back on my feet.  Foot doctor tomorrow.  If toe isn't completely healed but skin seems firm, might just go back to the honey med and give it time.  My Boo does love it here, but can't keep putting up with the BS.  Trash just isn't my cup of tea.  Think they know so much about life, but don't know shit.  I don't want to know anything about life.  I never asked for that curse.  Just wanted to be accepted and find a friend and have a good time.  Was one of those scared, homey boys.  One night is all it takes.  My whole life changed and the funny part, I can't remember one second of it, only in imagination and even that seems so unreal.  God is a funny man.  Getting later.  Back to The Lake House.  Will have to start writing some stories or poetry in my writings.  People have got to be getting bored of the same old thing.  Tomorrow, another step.  Roll of the dice, looking for that seven or eleven.  Part of a title, haha.  The Lake House, brothers.  Haha.  Chance got out and Cooper, neighbor's dog was outside.  Rosie got out, too.  Had to carry her in and Chance was getting tired from running with Cooper.  Anyway, nothing big except getting fussed by Sweet Pea, haha.  She is something else.  Got to get back into my writing.  Just don't feel any purpose there.  No, satisfaction either.  Got to find a new place to inspire me.  Am feeling stronger with the protein at night.  Thought milk at night a few weeks back and it helped, but the protein shake is better.  Will keep trying.  Midterms soon.  I don't give midterm exams.  Put more emphasis on the final exam.  Oh, trying to keep up with things.  Oh, guess in a matter of time.  Got to find some peace of mind.  Got to roll that seven or eleven.  Got to start thinking dish washer.  No matter how many times I watch a movie, I seem to always see and hear something new.  The dad talking about great architects.  First thought, God is the greatest architect.  Not just the light but also the dark?  One has to figure that out for themselves.  Wonder if the dog had a meaning?  Interesting movie.  Sweet Pea on the computer.  God, the sweetest.  Oh, things going on.  Guess in the long run it all depends upon me, or maybe I should say the short run, too. Kids (the grown ones) can be such 'kids'.  The Tickle Game, such high meaning in life, such trash.  Think so little of other people, even those they supposedly love including family.  Sweet Pea, feel so sad for her.  Loser to the Tickle Game.  Trash.  Love the end of the movie.  Waitiing for dish washer.  Had a Mustang once.  The year it was trash.  Maybe the movie is trying to tell me something.  Haha.  The Lucky One.  Time to say good night.  Do have a great sleep.  God bless.  Sending all mine to Boo.  How most of the young lack so much, today.